You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
