I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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