Do you still have your period?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
