Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
