Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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