rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
