ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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