I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Let's get the cat blown out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
