did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
