I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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