Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
