So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
