Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
