I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can I color on your dick again?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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