garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
