Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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