census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
