He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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