My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
