i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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