I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
