I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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