You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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