U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
