True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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