Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
