The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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