So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
