just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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