I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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