from now on my penis is your penis
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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