Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You were trust falling into bushes
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
