I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
