Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
