She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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