Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
