never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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