Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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