my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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