Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
FUCK WHALES
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
