I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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