I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
