So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
