So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
