Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
