In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
