i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
