How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
