My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
