their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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