forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
