We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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