it was like eating out sand paper
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
