im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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