checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She told me I should be a condom model.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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