If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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