hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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