I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
