He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
