i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
