He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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