votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
