I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
