end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
