I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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