We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
