This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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