you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
