I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize