I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
